Torn Identity
by Mediumfan93
Summary: Sam Winchester gave up his life as a hunter to have the normal life he always wanted. He is now Robert Stark and he is just beginning to embrace his new chosen path. But can you really escape a past as dark as Sam's? He's about to find out. April/Stark
1. Chapter 1

Stark didn't mind the fact that he would have to pack up and leave again. He had become accustomed to moving on at a moment's notice, he had travelled constantly his whole life, since he was a baby. He was almost sure there wasn't some back-country small town in North America he hadn't visited.

He was Sam Winchester, the lengendary hunter. The man who had once made his living hunting monsters, big and small, with his big brother and father. The only time he had remained vigil in one place was when he was at Stanford, both times.

When he was twenty-two, he was dumb enough to believe he could escape his hunting past, become the average Joe and marry the girl he loved, have two-point five kids and become some hot-shot lawyer. Then his girlfriend, Jessica had died and sent him on a warpath to find the evil soul who had whisked his dream away.

That was the beginning of the nightmare. The story of the Yellow-eyed demon, the psychic abilities to the apocalypse and Castiel's self-destruction. Everything had stopped there, Dean had died, Bobby had died and there was no one left. Sam still had his soul and his life to live, so at twenty-nine he returned to Stanford and decided to embark on being a Doctor.

He realised despite all that had happened, he still wanted a normal life, free from hunting and still be able to help people. A Doctor seemed like a fitting choice, he was smart enough, had learned to do the perfect suture on himself, from all the hunting injuries and was cool under intense pressure. He had modeled his name after his beloved father figure and restarted his whole life.

Now it had led him to Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital, where the Doctors were just as crazy as he was it seemed. They were the opposite in personality of what a Doctor usually embodied. They were reckless and ruled with their hearts and not their heads. On the other hand they were passionate and instinctive and sharp. They reminded him of Dean, especially Karev and his brash attitude and raw actions and words,the way his brother had been, and the way he had been once.

Then there was April Kepner. The girl with the perky demeanor and bright smile, she had captured his attention as soon as he had met her. She reminded him of Jessica, her generous nature and compassion, and her looks. He had kept himself controlled and didn't try to ask her out, not at first anyway. He had reasoned that even though he had a normal life and new name, he was still known and wanted by monsters and hunters alike. And he knew there was a possibility that one day he would be discovered and those closest to him would be hurt or killed.

He didn't want to put her through that if it happened, but she had gotten to him, through his hardened shell. He had asked her out. He was hurt when she broke it off, but also relieved and that gave him a way to distance himself from her, protect her. Now he was leaving and he was quite upset, not outwardly though.

It was time to move on and do what he had always done, stay by himself. The life he lived now was as normal as it would ever get, and he had accepted that fact.

He looked up at the massive, grey-coloured hospital with it's glass windows. He would miss it. He felt the chill of Seattle winter hit him and decided now was time to get inside and so he made his way through the parking lot, through the hospital doors. It was time for work.


	2. Chapter 2

Stark sighed as he sat down at his desk. It was four hours later and he had just completed two easy back-to-back surgeries, one with Alex Karev. He was so much like Dean it scared him. The truth was Stark was rather fond of Karev and thought he was a decent human being, past the attitude, just like Dean. That was the reason he treated Karev poorly, for the simple fact he reminded him of his brother. He was though, a good doctor, who listened to the kids, unlike Dean who used to be poorly trained with kids until he met Lisa and Ben. Stark chuckled to himself as he remembered one of him and Dean's conversations about them.

_Sam and Dean were walking down the street with Jake's mum as Dean turned on his charm and smiled at her._

_"Kids are the best, huh!" he said, smiling awkwardly and Sam gave him a weird look._

_"There it is. Like I said, two blocks" Jake's mother said casually, she realised Dean was trying to pull her in._

_"Thanks" Sam cut in _

_The woman grinned, amused"Must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pick-up line". She walked away from them, with Dean raising his eyebrows in surprise and Sam felt himself give a huge grin and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing._

_" 'Kids are the best'?" he said sarcastically to his older brother"You don't even like kids"_

_"I love kids!"Dean shot back_

_"Name three kids you even know" Sam argued. Dean looked around in obvious loss and scratched his head "I'm thinking" he said, embarassed, before walking off._

Sam grinned, his brother was a real character. There wasn't anything he wouldn't try to get a girl. Sam had openly admitted at one point to being awkward with kids himself, and now he thought, laughing, he was head of Paediatric surgery. He wasn't as good with kids as Arizona, Alex or April. but he still felt a pull towards this specialty, for which the reason was still unknown.

"So you do smile" came the amused and playful voice of Arizona Robbins. He had been so lost in his musings that he hadn't heard the younger, blonde doctor walk in. He wiped the smile from his face and put up his cold front.

"Doctor Robbins" he sighed "You always enter without knocking?"

She shrugged and smiled innnocently "I did knock, you were just in dreamland"

He sighed and leaned back in his chair "What do need Doctor Robbins?" he asked

"I was wondering if i could borrow April Kepner and Alex Karev from your service today, I need the best for this complicated surgery I have and her and Karev are it"

He waved his hand in compliance "Sure, take her" he said plainly and she scrunched her face in confusion

"That's it?" she questioned and he sighed, annoyed

"What?" he snapped

"You usually moan about messing with scheduling and stuff and say no" she exclaimed

"Well I've decided that if you need to use her, you can take her. Is that a problem?"

"No, sir" she said quickly

"Good, now go back to work" he replied and she exited the room.

He laughed at her change in attitude as she ran from the room. Doctor Robbins was excellent for taking orders, except whn it came from him. It was the whole military thing, and he knew how she felt. Growing up with a father who ordered you and instilled the idea of authority in you like a religion. Sam had never really taken to that type of direction from his father, he had always challenged him at every turn, questioning his motives and reasoning behind an action. However, in his old age he realised he was more like his father than he thought. The dynamic between him and Arizona also reminded him of the relationship between him and John Winchester.

_Sam felt the grinding of the car and the screech of the wheels as the Chevy turned and swerved on the gravelly road. The bright headlights of his father's large, red Jeep halted beside the small, black car. John Winchester bolted out of the car and headed straight for Sam, who had exited the Chevy and stood at the hood of the car. John reached Sam, a thunderous look on his face._

_"What the hell was that!" John said venomously_

_"We need to talk" Sam responded, shaking with uncontrollable anger and irritation at his father._

_"About what?"_

_"About everything! where we going Dad? what's the big deal about this gun?"_

_"Come on Sammy" we can 'q and a' after we kill all the vampires" Dean said pleadingly, hoping to prevent a confrontation._

_"Your brother's right, we don't have time for this" John agreed_

_"The last time we saw you , you said it was too dangerous to be together. Now out of the blue you need our help" Sam snapped "Now, obviously something big is going down, and we wanta know what" Sam said, pulling Dean into the arguement as leverage._

_"Get back in the car!" John growled, his face glowing with anger._

_"No!"_

_"Yeah! and I said get back in the damn car" Jon repeated edging toward Sam dangerously_

_Sam stepped up to him in response, egging him on "And I said no"_

_"Look, you made your point tough guy" Dean said "Look, we can talk about this later. Sammy I mean it, come on" he growled as he gripped Sam's shirt and pushed him back. Sam turned around and stalked back._

_"This is why I let in the first place" he muttered, loud enough for his father to hear him._

_"What'd you say?" John quipped and dashed forward. Sam spun round "You heard me!"_

_"Yeah!" John retorted"You left. Your brother and me, we needed you. You walked away, Sam. YOU WALKED AWAY" he yelled. Sam was right in John's face, he felt so angry that he swore he thought steam was erupting from his ears._

_"You're the one who said don't come back, Dad. You're the one who closed that door, not WERE JUST PISSED OFF YOU COUDN'T CONTROL ME ANYMORE!" he spat angrily in his father's face. Sam felt Dean's arms push against his chest and force him back._

_"Listen. Stop it, STOP IT!" he yelled and they drifted apart "THAT'S ENOUGH!"_

_Sam and John remained staring at each other for moments, neither willing to back down. Dean wedged himself between them and glared at his father "That means you too" he said warningly and John trudged off, back to his own car. Sam did the same, the white hot rage still burning in him._

_"Terrific!" he heard Dean muttersarcastically under his breath_

Stark sighed. That was a long time ago and he still remebered it like it was yesterday. It was one of the more memorable fights of his youth. When he was still little Sammy, coddled and left out of everything. Although he came to realie that back then things were easier for everyone, and he done nothing that made him feel like a monster and paved his own special road to hell. Hell, literally hell. That was the thing that stuck out the most. It came back at random moments, like when he sliced open a tender piece of living flesh like dough. It made him feel like just doing nothing, not wanting to think or feel, like what Dean had told him. He wished he couldn't feel anything. It was a struggle to get up every morning and he couldn't even muster the strength to put a smile on his face, except maybe for the children. The children who had an air about them, an innocence he wished he possessed, kind of like Arizona. She believed in the good things, the best in people. He wondered if it was too late to change. To show everyone that he wasn't some cold, heartless douche of a human being, that he felt just like they did, even more than they did.


	3. Chapter 3

Stark walked out of his office, jacket on and briefcase in hand. Today had been an unusually quiet day, he had done lots of paperwork with three surgeries in total. He figured it to be a good thing that there were no direly sick children but on the other hand, it gave him the unnecessary time at hand to comtemplate and think about all the things he didn't want to think about. And today he had found himself become unusually sentimental, maybe it was age and loneliness but he didn't like it.

Shaking the thoughts from his mind he walked over to the elevator, not seeing Arizona on the way there. He made a mental note to ask her tomorrow about her big surgery she had mentioned earlier. Hearing the ding of the elevator and the steel-coated doors slide open, he stepped inside and turned around to face them as they shut again. The elevator moved down and he heard it ding again and when the doors opened none other than April Kepner was standing on the otherside. He met her eyes with his briefly, she looked hesitant to enter, probably afraid to endure some verbal abuse or ignorance on his behalf. Instead of stepping back and waiting for another elevator she stepped inside and turned around as the doors closed, her back facing him.

"Doctor Stark" she greeted politely, weariness laced her voice.

"April" he responded, a tone of kindness he hadn't shown for months evident in his own voice. As soon as he had said it he saw her head tilt in recognition and surprise at the words. He could tell she was dying to say something back or question him on his sudden behavior and secretly he wanted her to do it. He wanted her to know how he really felt, that he was sorry for treating her badly.

"April?" he repeated, only trying this time to evoke a more active response. It worked and she turned around, her face morphed in a look of confusion and suspicion.

"What?" he asked her, pretending to not be aware of the reason of her curious looks.

" 'What'? Seriously? You've been avoiding me and ignoring me for months and then all of a sudden its 'April' " she said, anger evident in her tone.

Stark wasn't sure what to do next before he remembered suddenly that he was starving.

"Have you had dinner yet?"

"Excuse me?"

"Dinner?"

"No. Why?"

"Because I haven't, so would you like to join me and we can talk. I assume there's something the both of us need to say?"

April looked taken aback. Robert rolled his eyes and sighed impatiently.

"Would you like to come or not?" he said again, wanting the answer sooner than later. Still looking shocked, April shook her head and nodded.

"Yes, okay"

"Okay then, it's settled. There's a nice place across the street. It's quiet and none of your friends will be there to ambush us" he shot as the elevator doors opened and he walked out after April and he heard her sigh in annoyance.

0o0o0o0oo0o0o0

0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0

It took them a few minuted to get there. They said nothing as they made their way across the dimly lit parking lot, in the cold, crisp air and to the small diner across the busy street.

As soon as they stepped inside Robert could feel the cold air be pushed back and was replaced by the warm air from the heaters brushing his face. His face was replicating a burning sensation, an after-effect of the cold air they had just vacated. The diner was quite busy, the waiters and waitresses bustling around the area with large trays of plates piled high. Customers chatting happily to each other over the chipped wooden tables and slurping large portions of soup or nibbling on greasy chicken wings.

Robert spotted a quiet booth in the corner and walked towards it. The only thing that reminded him April was still there was her shuffling steps, barely audible above the buzzing of coffee machines and chatter of the collective. As he stepped up to the table he turned to face April and stepped back, allowing her to make her way to the cushioned seat before him.

"Thank you" she muttered as she sat down and started to remove her coat.

Robert sat down and did the same. It was warm. All the people, all the shared body heat and heat from the grills and stoves in the kitchen added to the mix and the small diner was made almost unbearable. He chose this however, over the bitter Seattle winter outside.

Once they were both settled they just sat there, both sat in a fairly tense silence. It was diffficult to know where to start and who should start. He realised that he was the one who had initiated conversation with April and invited her to the diner where they had had their first date, when it was still dating to them.

"Okay, I'll start" he said with a nervous chuckle. April had a look of pure suspicion exhibited on her face.

"I think that would be a good idea" she stated and he sighed

"Look...about the whole avoiding you thing...I apoligise. It was wrong of me to treat you so unkindly"

"Yeah, it was. I wasn't breaking up with you out of badness or spite, or something" she said looking quite hurt

Robert felt himself feel slightly guilty, but also a little angry. He could tell from the expression at which she had told him she thought they were just friends, that she wasn't being completely truthful.

"Let's be honest April, you weren't being completely truthful about why you were breaking up with me, unless I read your expression wrong. Did I?"

"What do you mean?" she said, puzzled

"In the morning you were fine. By midday you were all fidgety and trying to wriggle out of the date. I mean if you didn't want to date me and had been like that since the beginning i would've let it go, but.."

"But...?"

"When you were saying all that you kept looking at Karev and doing that stuttering thing you do when you get nervous"

"I'm not with Karev, nor did I dump you for him" she said adamently

"I don't think that, or at least I didn't really, but I know something happened to make you like that, coz you were fine before hand. Stop me if I'm way off" he said sternly and sat back against the leather seat. April shot her head downwards to look at the table with seemingly great interest, or the floor or her hands, anything but him.

"You also did that" Robert pointed out as she looked up and rolled her eyes.

Out of nowhwere a waitress wearing a yellow dress with orange lining and massive looped earrings appeared out of nowhere.

"Hiya, are you ready to order?" she said politely

Robert's eyes darted for a second in hesitation before he looked up at her "Can I just have the Bacon Cheesburger with a coke, please?" he said quickly

"Sure thing" the waitress said. She turned to April, who he saw was still eyeing him "I'll have the same, thank you" she said. The waitress quickly jotted down their orders and walked away. leaving them alone once again.

April sighed and rolled her eyes in the way she did when she was tired or rather ready to admit defeat to his arguement.

"Fine. You were right. I did have something that changed my mind and the truth is I really was looking forward to our date"

"Thank you for telling me. But if I may ask, what exactly was it that changed your mind?"

"Robert!" April said exasperated

"Oh come on! April. I'm not going to go on some psycho revenge mission, I have the right to know the reason you dumped me. Wouldn't you want to know if the same happened to you?" Robert said righteously

"Robert, it doesn't really matter. No matter what made me think differently I still was the person who broke up with you and I'm sorry if it annoys you but I'm not sticking anyone in the deep end for you to fight with"

"I'm not some explosive person. I'm discreet"

"Not with Karev"

Robert waved his hands in frustration "Well, that's Karev. Nobody likes him, especially after he sold out Meredith Grey. I just started to dislike him first and that's when everyone else was paying attention"

April smiled at the last sentence. Maybe she was softening up a bit. April sat up straight and looked at him with a serious expression.

"Look. I am sorry for dumping you for no good reason, the truth is that I really do like you"

Robert raised his eyebrows at this "You do?"

"I do" she said firmly "Is it maybe possible that we could...you know...start over?"

Robert paused as he thought about this. He had been relieved at first for April breaking it off with him. He wouldn't have to worry about putting her in danger from monsters or hunters who were out for his head, but then again, the selfish part of him thought. He had sought out a whole new identity and life so that he could have some sort of normal existence. What was the point of it all if he couldn't give himself the chance to be with the one person he wanted to be with. Screw it.

"I'd like that" he said happily and smiled at April, whose face was now a mixture of shock and glee.

"Really?" she asked, unsure if he was toying with her.

"Really" he laughed.

April all of a sudden took his hand "I swear this time I will not mess it up. I don't care anymore what my friends think"

"I'll hold you to that. And I will try and make an effort to stop fighting with all the doctors, especially Karev"

At this April bit her lip, holding back a laugh and Robert pointed his finger at her in warning.

"I'm only promising to try"

"That's fine, I couldn't ask for more. Besides there isn't sometime in the day that I don't think about punching Karev for his wise-ass remarks"

Robert felt himself feel instantly better at having decided to give things a go with April. Maybe Dean had had a point when he had tried to hook him up with Sarah, the curator chick. Moving on, having fun, living life.


	4. Chapter 4

After the evening at the diner, April and Robert had made it a point to have each of their free evenings there together as much as they could. It felt just like when they had first started dating, they had deep, meaningful conversations or perhaps playful chit-chat or intense medical debates which kept them till closing. They texted each other during break while they sat at tables at opposite ends of the cafeteria.

They had both agreed to keep their relationship quiet for the mean time. Although April had assured him she wouldn't hide it or be ashamed of it, it was Robert who had offered that they stay low-key until proffered for information. If proffered. Things had been going so well in just the last couple of weeks he was afraid any interference on their friend's part might do something irreversible.

It wasn't irrational to think that, that was the reason April had called it quits before. April had done everything to prove that she really was interested and he was sure that she was sincere. She wasn't the type to lead a person along. She had even offered, out of the blue, to have a date at his place and watch 'From Here to Eternity'. He smiled at the gesture, rather symbolic on her part.

Tonight was home movie night and Robert was slightly nervous if he was truly honest. It felt like an ill-fated decision to have the a date with the same movie they never got to watch before, but if he could throw himself into the pit of hell and kill monsters for a living then he could certainly watch a movie with the girl he was afraid might leave him at a moment's notice. He was confused with himself about how he was more worried than April at this point.

He had learned, with great reluctance from April that she was still a virgin at twenty-nine. Which he realized now was probably a major factor for her hesitance in their relationship, and the date he had offered at his place. He could now see how in her mind that might mean something more serious that she was by no means ready for. And he could also picture Karev saying something to her.

It was eight-thirty and Robert was standing in his kitchen, watching the small oven timer as it counted downward, like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Lost in his thoughts Robert jumped a little at the sound of the doorbell. He walked by the living room to the front door. He opened it to see April wearing a green shirt, brown leather jacket and jeans, her hair worn down and her red hair flowing past her shoulders. She was also holding a bottle of wine in her hand.

"Hey!" she greeted happily and kissed him on the cheek. At the sight of her standing in his doorway, all his thoughts and fears were buried.

"Hey!" he replied as he stepped to the side to allow her entrance to his flat "Welcome to my apartment".

He watched as April scanned the surrounding area with interest.

"I like the way you've decorated. Colourful" she commented, looking at beige and light blue walls with dark furniture.

"What were you expecting? Dark? Plain?" he drifted off but smiled as he saw April's face to one of worry. She was so easily worried.

"Oh no! That's not what I was implying. I just-".

"It's not what you were expecting. It's fine" he said casually "That's actually a pretty common reaction I get from people".

"It is?" she said awkwardly

"Uh-huh!"

"Okay! Well I guess I'm glad to see I haven't offended you. That's not a great way to start a date, at the date's place"

"Why did you suggest here for the date, just out of interest?" Robert cut in, curious as to the question he posed.

April gave her thoughtful look again "I guess it feels a little like a milestone for me"

"What do you mean?" Robert asked

"Well..."April paused not wanting to suggest the real reason for her hesitance "That's when everything became a little…complex. So I feel like if I can get past the point we were before then I'll be able to relax"

Robert shrugged "Are you still unsure if you want to be in this relationship or-?"

"No!" April said quickly "It's not that. I'm in this relationship, completely. I swear. It's just something I-"

"-Have to get past?" Robert finished

"Yes" April sighed

"Okay then. Let's get the movie and dinner" he continued

April touched his arm, getting his attention "Are we okay?"

He smiled as genuinely as he could convey to her and looked her in the eye "I promise. Now let's eat". He could visibly see the tension draining from April as she sat down and they both began watching the movie.

As the movie went on April sided closer to him, eventually leaning her head lightly against his chest. He breathed deeply as he felt her body against his and kept as still as possible so as not to disturb the moment. The only action he made was to put his arm slowly round her shoulders. Now they were sprawled out on the couch. Robert's legs stretched over the wooden coffee table and April's spread over the couch.

After a while April looked up at him "This is nice. I don't know why I was so worried"

"I could see why dinner at my place might have bothered you before, but I really just meant dinner and a movie"

"I know now" April said quietly

As she spoke there was a sudden vibrating noise as April's phone started to ring and shake on the coffee table. She sat up to pick up the phone and Robert groaned in tiredness.

"Achh!" April moaned in what Robert could see was annoyance.

"Who is it?" Robert asked

"Meredith" she replied

"Why is Meredith calling you?"

"She's probably wondering where I am. Cause it's usually me that's always in at night, the sad one doing laundry or work stuff"

"Are you gonna answer it?"

"Do I have to?"

"She'll probably just keep calling" he said

"What do I tell her?" she said quickly

"Anything. You're with some friends from college, you met up with your sister"

"Ooh!" April smiled at him "That's a good one, my sister just moved here for college" she said as she clicked the button on her phone and held it to her ear.

"Hello, Meredith" April answered before her expression changed to surprise "Derek?"

Robert frowned at April, she shrugged in response.

"No. Tell Meredith I'm fine, I'm with my sister, she just moved here so I'm visiting her"

April then kept shrugging and Robert lost track of the conversation between April and Sheppard.

"Okay, bye Derek" April said as she hung up.

She turned to Robert and smiled "It was Doctor Sheppard"

"I gathered. Why was he calling?"

"Meredith asked him to phone and see where I was. She was giving Zola a bath"

"Oh okay" he said as he leaned back against the couch

"I just lied to my friends. I hate lying. You owe me" she said, pointing her phone at him in mock warning and smiling brightly.

Robert smiled "Oh I owe you, huh". April nodded amused.

Robert quickly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back, she giggled in surprise and tried half-heartedly to break free from his grip.

"Let. Go. Of. Me" she struggled breathlessly between laughs. Despite her protest Robert kept a hold of her until suddenly he felt her lips crash onto his. In pure surprise he let go of her, his arms kept by his sides. After a minute or two April finally pulled her head away from his, both of them out of breath. April smiled at the expression plastered to Robert's face.

"Uh...What was that?" said Robert curiously.

"I made you let go" she said grinning slyly at him.

"Oh, that was smart" he laughed.

Suddenly April's phone started up again and she sighed wearily. She sat up and reached for her phone for the second time. Checking the caller ID, she saw that it was Jackson now phoning her.

"Hello" she greeted with fake heightened enthusiasm.

"April. Where are you?" came Jackson's suspicious tone. April rolled her eyes.

"I'm at my sisters" she replied.

She heard a pause "You're in Ohio?"

April groaned and turned to give Robert a deadly glare as she heard him snicker at the last comment from her friend.

"Yeah, Jackson. That's it. I'm in Ohio" she snapped sarcastically and heard her friend snort.

"My sister just moved here for college. I assure you I am _not_ in Ohio" April mused.

"Whatever. When you coming back in?" he asked.

"Whenever I want to" she huffed "I don't have a curfew. You guys don't need to keep checking up on me"

"Alright. Sorry!" Jackson snapped and the phone clicked to signify the call ending.

April shut off her phone and sighed into her hands.

"I think Jackson's mad at me"

"Really?" Robert said in mock surprise.

"They act like I'm some kind of child. It's annoying" she stated and threw the phone on the table.

"Well…you can act like one sometimes"

April let out a laugh "This, coming from you?"

Robert nodded in defeat "Where were we?"

April paused, pretending to think and then jumped in her seat "Oh, I remember" she said wrapping her arms round his neck and pulling him down onto the couch.


End file.
